The hiss that followed the sharp “pop” was unmistakable. Another tube punctured. Damn. I’m down to one spare. I’d better turn around and head home. That makes 5 in 5 days. I haven’t even worked up a sweat yet. Oh well. It figures.
I can feel my body going limp…giving in to wave after wave of psychic “why bothers” that are the Cylons attacking my psyche’s Battlestar Galactica. I am losing the battle today. Morale and ammo are low.
First thoughts upon waking (or trying to begin the day on a happy note):
Ug. What am I? Who am I? Where am I? What time is it?
My upstairs neighbors are awake – stepping on the creaky spots in their floor – on purpose! I just know it. Fuckers.
Negative thought #1.
Think about the odd taste in my mouth – stick my tongue out and grimace. Somehow this helps in assessing the taste. Check the under arms. Yep. I stink. I’m a loser.
Negative thought #2.
Set a goal to notice the good in my life. Just notice. That’s all.
Wind my body up like a spring – arms to one side – knees to the other – store some energy with an extra deep twist. Grunt 3 times and then let it unwind. I use my muscles to increase the angular momentum of my upper and lower torso as they switch places – like meaty cylinders in an engine of meat. I flop 1 inch closer to the edge of the bed. Sigh of disappointment. Repeat 5 times. Knock bag of chips on the floor. Swear. Stand upright. Think about evolution as I walk to the bathroom with head hanging low and knuckles dragging the floor. Grunt. Relief. I’ve performed this ritual 10,000 times before. Am I happier – any better off – more fulfilled? Why do I do this? Have I had a good life? Is it worth it? Is life worthwhile?
Negative thought #3.
Think about coffee.
Make cup of coffee (enjoy the process – feeling gratitude for the resources and number of people that helped bring this pile of dark beans into my possession).
Think about the beans growing on a tree…a shrub…picked by someone who grunted as they got out of bed. Wonder if they appreciate me or hate me for creating a demand for this bean.
I open the faucet and let the water out. Water connected in pipes underground that run for miles. I’m connected to everyone in this neighborhood through these pipes – everyone in the city – everyone in the region – ultimately – everyone in the world – hopping aquifers and oceans and sky along the way. Water connects everything. WATERNet.org. A more useful World Wide Web. No advertisers. I think about where the pipe ends. Somewhere – the pipe ends and it all turns to water. My mind follows the pipe to a deep, dark aquifer. I follow the water through earth and river and stream – to the mountains – to the snow. It’s beautiful – and cold. I watch a ledge of crystalline snow – an edge 2 inches from the ground – dripping liquid water. I think about state changes of matter and then scream at myself to shut the hell up. Don’t try to understand this – just watch it. Be here. Experience it. Well…the physics is cool too…fucker who thinks they have it all figured out. You shut the hell up.
Negative thought #4.
I grind up this bean using a machine that requires electricity. The electricity is produced how? Wind? Burning biomass? Water? Interesting. Water flows through the pipes and also generates the electricity – or part of it anyway. I think about the water that allowed the coffee to grow – that was used to float the ships that brought the beans here. I bought this machine 20 years ago. I think about that. It impresses me. Not that the grinder still works – but that I still have it. I’ve moved a lot.
I dump the brown dust into an unbleached paper filter fitted into a piece of molded plastic. I think about other brewing methods I’ve used over the years. This one suites me. It’s good enough.
I pour clear, hot water on the brown dust. Brown steaming water results. Brown. I sip little bits into my mouth with a grimace. My tongue moves instinctively to channel the unnatural heat. I swallow the pain and the satisfaction. This is what I do. This is what I have always done.
Negative thought #5.
My thoughts are brown and my mouth is hot with brown.
Filed under Musings, Writing
First of all – the graphic above is wonderful. Spend some time with it. Then hop over to http://www.viruscomix.com/. Highly recommended.
Now on to the thought stream. This is a little unusual for me – to capture “early-morning brain” this way – relatively heavy on the expletives – and light on reflection with minimal editing. It might end in disaster – or embarrassment – but that’s OK.
I don’t even know where to start. I was going to say something about rediscovering comics at “this age”, but that sounded stupid. There’s the whole…”Well what age are you? What age is your reader? Are you trying to appear cool or hip or relevant or “current” (whatever the “F” that means), or by merely looking at a comic are you trying to reach back to a literary/art form that you’re well past being able to legitimately claim as interesting and appealing and relevant and not because you want to impress someone – but because you want to discover something about yourself – or perhaps rediscover something using some of that so-called “aged perspective” – or wisdom by it’s other name. I hear the voice saying…”Sorry. IT’S OVER FOR YOU! You can’t go back there. You can’t lay claim to the angst/feelings/joy/suffering/curiousity or whatever you think is driving this artist/author. You can’t look at it. You can’t experience it. You won’t get it. You can’t get it. It’s beyond you! Don’t even try.”