Category Archives: Depression

Why do I go silent? What brings me back?

There’s no simple answer to the question of why I go silent – both here and in my life. ┬áIt just happens. And then – one day – I pass a threshold – I break through the lid that has slammed down on my mind – to see the sun once again. I’m cherishing this moment of hope because it will fuel my return the next time I’m in the hole.

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Filed under Depression, Poems, Writing

Surfin’ Charybdis (refinement 1)


Celestial mechanics affects my mood as surely as my genetics, my culture, my diet and my exercise routine. The effects can be subtle or they can kick my ass. Presently, my ass is being gently nudged.

I have a sense that mood shares the properties of light in that it exhibits wave/particle duality. Today, the wave aspect is the focus of my attention.

Emotional waves and waves of visible light superimpose to create a resultant wave that propagates in my neurochemical soup. Why not? This seems a good model for my armchair reflection this morning.

The current tilt of the earth’s axis of rotation (its obliquity), sitting between 23.5 and 23.4 degrees, manifests on the earth as seasons. In the image above, the earth is on its way towards the orientation shown on the far right, with the northern hemisphere tilted away from the sun and therefore spending more time each day in darkness than in light.

This earth/sun orientation affects me. Of course it does. Why wouldn’t it? Why shouldn’t it? It is counter intuitive to expect stasis in this juxtaposition.

The earth responds dramatically to the changes in light, and as a part of the earth, so should I.

It is the nature of this response and my reflections and ruminations on it, as well as my culture’s ideals about mood that are piquing my blogging bone this morning.

Should I take a pill to counter the effects? What am I countering exactly? Should I seek therapy? That would be silly wouldn’t it?

A few thoughts on the matter…

Something big changes in me between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice.

Well…to be frank…everything changes.

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Filed under Depression, Musings, Nature, Writing

Natural cycles


From the book “Ecotherapy, Healing with Nature in Mind”, edited by Linda Buzzell ad Craig Chalquist (2009).

The excerpt below is from a chapter written by John Scull (pp 144-145).

“A second client, Emma, regularly attended the group nature walks. She was brought to me by her daughter, Dorothy. Emma was in her seventies, had been diagnosed with cancer, and was scheduled to undergo surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. She was severely depressed and talked about refusing medical treatment. Her daughter was concerned and thought her mother might become suicidal. It soon became apparent that Emma had been suffering from depression even prior to her illness; neglecting her house, family, and social relationships; making disparaging comments about her old age; and expressing feelings of uselessness.

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Filed under Death, Depression, Family and Friends, Musings, Nature