First of all – the graphic above is wonderful. Spend some time with it. Then hop over to http://www.viruscomix.com/. Highly recommended.

Now on to the thought stream. This is a little unusual for me – to capture “early-morning brain” this way –  relatively heavy on the expletives – and light on reflection with minimal editing. It might end in disaster – or embarrassment – but that’s OK.

I don’t even know where to start. I was going to say something about rediscovering comics at “this age”, but that sounded stupid. There’s the whole…”Well what age are you? What age is your reader? Are you trying to appear cool or hip or relevant or “current” (whatever the “F” that means), or by merely looking at a comic are you trying to reach back to a literary/art form that you’re well past being able to legitimately claim as interesting and appealing and relevant and not because you want to impress someone – but because you want to discover something about yourself – or perhaps rediscover something using some of that so-called “aged perspective” – or wisdom by it’s other name. I hear the voice saying…”Sorry. IT’S OVER FOR YOU! You can’t go back there. You can’t lay claim to the angst/feelings/joy/suffering/curiousity or whatever you think is driving this artist/author. You can’t look at it. You can’t experience it. You won’t get it. You can’t get it. It’s beyond you! Don’t even try.”

Hell – I just visited my first comic book store – EVER – 2 weeks ago – and felt like a pervert. Why is that? What sort of person do I think visits a comic book store? What sort of prejudices am I holding on to? I guess it comes down to searching. I’m searching for something…meaning…understanding…acceptance…and the pages of these comics (the graphic above being just a snippet from a larger body of work), whether in that comic book store, or served up on the web, speak to me – touch me – inspire me – help me in my struggle to make it through yet another confusing, down and out, roller coaster ride of a day.

Of course I’m down and out on my life. That IS my life. To be down and out is the way the day spins up and winds down for me. Then I thought I’d say something about how edgy and relevant to my life this graphic is and thought about someone reading “edgy” and thinking…”dude…do you think you know edgy – you don’t know squat. I know edgy and this isn’t it. You wouldn’t know the first thing about what’s deep and speaks to a person’s soul. You’re an idiot. Now surf on over to XYZ or grab a copy of ABC down at the local comic book store….or skip the comics and read some of the stuff cranked out by Paul Kingsnorth and Dougald Hind at Dark Mountain (http://dark-mountain.net/) and now we’re talkin’ edgy.”

Well fuck that. That’s what everyone thinks about everyone. You’re an idiot. The ancient comparator circuit – the hardwired “judge” that somehow helped our species rise up and bless the planet with a creature that can’t even be comfortable with what it is! “I know I’m this thing…but I could be so much more than this…but why would I want to be?…I don’t know…but shouldn’t I?…I mean…shouldn’t I try to be more…to better myself…because better is better right? Better than what? Oh – nevermind.”

Damn, if we could only run our toasters on this stuff – we’d be golden. Anyway – back to my previous point about “getting shit.”

To the thoughts in my head that purport to model and represent an accurate and truthful decent/better/normal human being –  I ask…are you serious? If I can’t be comfortable with myself, why in the hell would I believe the thoughts that I have that tell me I know what a well adjusted, intelligent, decent human being would think about these things…when it’s all coming from the same brain? Well if you know so much – WHY aren’t YOU in charge in there – instead of that sniveling idiot. Time for a job swap!

I’m an idiot, because “someone else” is the only person who can truly get something – because they clearly have a superior intellect. I look inside and see inferior. I look outside and see superior. Again – fuck that! If this is all true – then the marketing of New York Times bestsellers needs a major overhaul. “1 copy sold…to that dude in California…who thank goodness for the author/publisher…discovered this book and “gets it.” Whew – we thought we might need to print 10 million copies, execute a couple of airdrops over the US – in HOPES of finding the one, undiscovered but always humble, non-idiot for whom this book was personally written. Really. Thank goodness. Saved a lot of trees and jet fuel. Can we use that on the cover of the next book?…brought to you by XYZ publishing…where we know how to find the non-idiots. Just look at how many trees we saved the last go around. Do we even print books on paper anymore? Oh well. It sounds good – let’s go with it for now.”

Back to the art and the message behind the art. This art and the message IS edgy – because it works MY edges. It’s edgy to me and so it’s edgy you fucking moron (speaking to that voice in my head – and to that person who would actually think they have the only functional edgy-detectors. There are at least 6 of them). Do you even know what edgy means? Your edgy and my edgy are SO ridiculously different, that me even knowing this is edgy should make you fall to your knees and beg me for an explanation of edgy.

And so this is starting out to be a really nice morning 😉 I’ve eased myself into self-loathing during my first cup of coffee and I’ll see if I can continue to further undermine my self-confidence as I work myself towards lunch.

Great day to be alive.

Oh – and if you want to see some edgy shit – head over to: http://www.viruscomix.com/

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Filed under Musings, Psychology, Writing

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