Social Retards (no offense intended to actual retards).

I love my three dogs, but they are social retards. When they see other dogs on our walks, which is nearly 100% of the time, their transmogrification into saliva spewing, 4 legged demons from hell is humiliating.

I’m forced to cross to the other side of the street, a good quarter mile from the other dog, dragging my pack as I go, trying not to get tangled up as they cocoon me in leashes like a spider cocoons its prey.  The smallest of the three, Pokey, a sweet female french bulldog, normally lets loose a bark that is 3 octaves lower than normal and has me looking around for the canine ventriloquist that must surely be hiding in a nearby bush. And then there’s Eddie. Eddie’s a pit bull who was rescued from a seedy neighborhood and he’s just never going to be a dog I can take to Peet’s to grab a coffee and hitch to a park bench to wait for me while people amble by patting him on the head saying “What a good dog.” I have visions of glancing out the cafe window while adding milk to my coffee spotting a park bench making its way down the middle of State Street while just ahead of it, a well meaning but terrified child is headed for years of therapy. “No really, he’s such a sweet dog, you just have to get to know him.  Just play dead. It works for me.”

Eddie, Sophie and Pokey (as a puppy, I need a more recent picture).




1 Comment

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One response to “Social Retards (no offense intended to actual retards).

  1. zachandclem

    Sooo familiar. I have this old fart of a dog, totally set in his ways, who’s incapable of adapting to changing situations. He knows his habits, and anything outside of that makes him nervous, ergo aggressive. He barks at toddlers who yell too high, growls at teenagers for lighting a cigaret (Woa! Unexpected arm movement! MOTHERFUCKER), etc. It’s absolutely horrific. Can’t take him anywhere, he would make a scene and be the pitiful intolerant bastard he always is. So frustrating!! VERY happy to read I’m not alone there.

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